Saturday, 10 October 2015

names of animals as monsters

Whip scorpion. Its stinger is a whip! Fights like Indiana jones.

Coconut crab. It’s a coconut. Kills you by dropping on your head like a drop bear. Mean and hairy coconut pincers. Delicious coconutty crab meat and milks.

Nurse shark. Only eats your diseased, gangrenous and malformed body parts that you don’t need. Protects people and is generally nice. Sedative saliva.

Lemon shark. So fucking bitter and aggressive. Lemon flesh cures scurvy.

Carbuncle. Like the classic d&d critter but also like the other definition, as a gooey open sore. Lives like a parasite on big burrowing things like bullettes and purple worms. Trades knowledge of buried things, in exchange so that you don’t kill it and sell it since its made of bloodrubies and pus-geodes.

Butterfly. Only eats fats and butter. Like a mosquito that gives you liposuction. Which sucks if your trying to survive in the elements of whatever.

Stag beetle. Fills the exact same ecological niche as deer.

Bell cricket. Same sound as church bells, and functions the same against unholy and undead things and for shattering windows and officiating weddings.

Catfish. Actually a cat. Trying to impersonate a fish to catch them. Like a wolf in sheeps clothing. Maybe the familiar of a river hag.

Shield bug. Really handy shield. Releases defensive smelly gas.

Ladybug. Like a fat geisha. Feed her aphids or god help you.

Horror frog. The original is perfect, but now its big and it acts like a 80s slasher movie villain
Urchin. Both definitions rolled into one

Antlion. Like normal but in ant culture theyre just like lions. Big brave scary things that are the kings of all animals and you fight them in the colosseum.

Spider monkey. Self explanatory

Velvet worm. Its made of velvet, so stylish, wear it around your neck. Shoots goo at people who diss your outfit

Money spider. Makes webs of gold to attract humans. Fights like a venomous pissed off cat, jumping and biting your face and not letting go. Fancy people want their gold silk to make clothes. Funeral parlors want them to wrap up rich people's bodies for fancy caskets.

Dragonfly. Same as regular dragonfly buts so big. Sees everything and moves lightning fast.


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